Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So vagazzling was a success
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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