I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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