And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
