I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
