Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The uberlube is also flammable
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
