i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
