Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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