She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
