Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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