Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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