Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
