don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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