She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
