i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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