he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
