So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
