her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
