I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
