he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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