god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
