its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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