WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
