i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
