what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
