When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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