i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
