Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
