I accidentally burped into my bong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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