arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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