we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
