I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
