He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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