is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You left your phone here
Wait...
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