I won't be sarcastic... just naked
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
