i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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