just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
