i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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