You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sarcasm needs its own font
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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