I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
