Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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