I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
