he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
