I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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