I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
