you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
