i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
