Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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