Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
