I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
