Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
