OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
