just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
