I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
