That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
